What can I say? My blood has boiled. I have become enraged like a teenager. I have felt like kicking a wall in. Punching a wall. Slamming a door so hard there are cracks in the foundation. Very age 16. I woke up this morning and decided I was going to have alittle fun and knit an entire sweater in one day. Haha what fun...
A Twinkle design out of the new Interweave Spring Mag! 4 strands held together, classic feather and fan design. I knew I could do it...and it would be fun trying. Or so I thought. 6 inches into it, I realized, to my horror, that I had twisted the stitches when I joined in the round. Now. I was especially careful about NOT twisting them. So imagine my surprise and disgust. So I frogged those 6 inches (2.5 hours of knitting time) and asked Sandy to cast on for me and join it in the round so I couldn't make the same mistake twice...my knitting self esteem was at an all time low. But now we were on track. Perfection. I was cruising.
With a vengence reserved only for crack addicts and speed ballers, I knitted for 6 hours straight and was nearing the half way mark of the sweater (confident now that I would indeed finish the sweater in one day) when I noticed that my sweater was again twisted. Baby needed love...Can't! Must knit sweater! Purl wanted to play...can't! Must knit sweater! Bfriend cooking and cleaning all by himself in the kitchen and I should be helping! Can't! And You know why! Now a couple of inches ago, it wasn't twisted. But now it was. Completely. How was this possible? God is punishing me for drinking too much in college and stealing a piece of candy from 'Mick or Mack' 37 years ago! No matter what I did or how I turned it or twisted it or cried or prayed or begged to the Geometry Gods...it was twisted. Completely. Totally. Useless. It's as if someone out there that hates me (and there are a few and you know who you are) got a Voodoo doll and chanted over it and messed up my sweater. No lie. One minute it was perfect. The next it was twisted. After a crying jag that lasted close to 4 minutes, I watched a few minutes of "40 year old Virgin" while frogging and decided that I will never knit again. Iam done. I don't even want the shop anymore. I'll sell it for $50,000 plus the stock. Loren, just borrow the money and buy the store and I'll go out to pasture. You'll find me in a cardboard box over on Draper road with a book of matches and a ragged blanket. I don't want to see another ball of yarn again. I never want to hold those f#$%^&*( needles in my hand ever again. This knitting blog is gonna get real boring. Yep. Done.
I think I'll scrapbook instead, or Canoe, or take up hiking the Appalachian trail, or maybe I'll be a brick mason. Or a Taxidermist. Or maybe I'll be a chimney sweep. Anything but be a stupid ass loser knitter. Those needles and yarn have abused and used me enough. I want out!
By the way...American Idol sucked once again! Some of the girls were so bad I held my nose while they were singing!
How did these girls get on the show? Yes, they are pretty...but Yo Dawg!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.